pica_scribit: (Grindelwald Won)
This is the video I ended up commissioning Mark to do for Mark Does Stuff. $25 well spent. Y'all might remember when I posted about this paper originally last year. Enjoy!

pica_scribit: (Gryffindor - RL/SB - Survivor's Guilt)
One of my friends just brought this story from a 2008 edition of The Onion to my attention. I thought you guys would probably appreciate it. BRB, LOLing forever....

Typo In Proposition 8 Defines Marriage As Between 'One Man And One Wolfman'

SACRAMENTO, CA—Activists on both sides of the gay marriage debate were shocked this November, when a typographical error in California's Proposition 8 changed the state constitution to restrict marriage to a union between "one man and one wolfman," instantly nullifying every marriage except those comprised of an adult male and his lycanthrope partner. "The people of California made their voices heard today, and reaffirmed our age-old belief that the only union sanctioned in God's eyes is the union between a man and another man possessed by an ungodly lupine curse," state Sen. Tim McClintock said at a hastily organized rally celebrating passage of the new law. But opponents, including Bakersfield resident Patricia Millard—who is now legally banned from marrying her boyfriend, a human, non-wolfman male—claim it infringes on their civil liberties. "I love James just as much as a wolfman loves his husband," Millard said. "We deserve the same rights as any horrifying mythical abomination." On the heels of the historic typo, voters in Utah passed a similar referendum a week later, defining marriage as between one man and 23 wolfmen.
pica_scribit: Pica Pica (Gryffindor - AD - Dumbledore's Army)
pica_scribit: Pica Pica (Gryffindor - RL/SB - F***ing Serious?)
OK, so it's come to my attention that there are people in the fandom who have NOT seen this video. This is a tragedy and possibly a crime. So if you have not heard the "Sirius Black" rap (parody of "Baby Got Back") by Tony Goldmark, or seen the video which uses clips from Prisoner of Azkaban to illustrate it in a totally GENIUS manner, you need to take five minutes out of your busy lives and do just exactly that. If you do not laugh your ass off, it's possible that you have no sense of humour at all.
pica_scribit: Pica Pica (Gryffindor - Trio - Growing up)
Y'all are probably way ahead of me, but if you haven't already, you should check out the wonderful blog Mark Reads Harry Potter over on Buzznet. I started reading Mark back when he was doing chapter-a-day reviews of the Twilight series after someone told him he had no right to ciritcise it without having read it. His reviews were hilarious, and he ended up hating Twilight even more than he did to start with. I stopped reading around the middle of his reviews of the third book due to not having a reliable internet connection.

Well, it turns out he hadn't read the Harry Potter books either, so he decided for his next challenge he would read the HP series in the same chapter-a-day format. He was dubious at first, but needless to say, he very quickly fell in love with our favourite books. His reviews are hilarious and a real delight to read. Following along with them is almost like reading the books again for the first time, through his eyes. He's just this week started OotP, so there's a huge backlogue of entries which I caught up with over the last few days. I highly reccommend starting at the beginning. This stuff is better than crack.
pica_scribit: Pica Pica (Slytherin - SS - The Plot Bunny)
On the twelfth day of Christmas, pica_scribit sent to me...
Twelve niteliteartists drumming
Eleven maggie lewis piping
Ten weasley twins a-leaping
Nine prongs dancing
Eight werewolves a-milking
Seven marauders a-swimming
Six hogwarts a-writing
Five no-o-o-ot tonks
Four ianto jones
Three lily evans
Two well-written ocs
...and a torchwood in a firefly.
Get your own Twelve Days:

In 2009, pica_scribit resolves to...
Go to the lily evans every month.
Go to wormtail every Sunday.
Go writing three times a week.
Put fifty well-written ocs a month into my savings account.
Eat more prongs.
Find a new padfoot.

Get your own New Year's Resolutions:
pica_scribit: Pica Pica (Slytherin - Get Fuzzy)
I love it when Get Fuzzy references Harry Potter. The rest of the strip is hilarious as well.

pica_scribit: Pica Pica (Comm - hp_adult - So Wrong)
How Not to Write a Novel by Howard Mittelmark and Sandra Newman *****
This book may be one of the best chance purchases I have ever made at a book store. Not only is it jam-packed with really excellent writing advice, it is also laugh-out-loud funny. Examples include references to Underpants Gnomes, Leonard Cohen, and characters who "go through the motions of the plot with the vacancy of bored minimum-wage employees". There were a few examples that could have been straight out of the "Twilight" series, a few which seemed to refer to the "Harry Potter" books, dozens that I have seen time and again in fanfiction, and even one or two which *cough cough* I recognised from my own writing. We all have room for improvement, so if you are serious about writing fiction, if you enjoy publishing fanfic online, or if you just think bad writing is utterly hilarious, I cannot recommend this book highly enough.

"Giving a reader a sex scene that is only half right is like giving her only half of a kitten. It is not half as cute as a whole kitten; it is a bloody, godawful mess. A half-right sex scene is not half as hot; it actually moves into the negative numbers, draining any heat from the surrounding material." (p. 226)
pica_scribit: Pica Pica (Slytherin - Get Fuzzy)
You people need Something*Positive in your lives. Therefore, I present you with a comic which should resonate with fangirls everywhere.

Warning: contains dismemberment and catgirls
pica_scribit: Pica Pica (Badfic - Sparklypoo)
I just saw a preview for that new Twilight movie. I swear to God, I cannot see or hear anything to do with that series without bursting into uncontrollable giggles. Why? Because I grew up about 50 miles from Forks, WA. I had a number of friends who lived there. They wanted nothing more than to leave at the earliest opportunity. Forks was the butt of a whole lot of inbreeding jokes when I was in highschool. We used to joke that it was going to secede from Washington State and become part of Alabama. The thought of Forks as the home of sexy, sparkly vampires -- as well as the thought of the millions of teenage girls worldwide desperately *wanting* to go to Forks -- is funny beyond funny to me.
pica_scribit: Pica Pica (Badfic - Triplets)
I thought those of you who get a giggle over badfic might appreciate the actual published book I am reading right now, which may in fact be the Worst Book Ever. It's called "Swamp!" by Joe Pachinko, and this is an honest-to-God excerpt:

"Ah shit, I always wanted to do marine archaeology anyway." Sam said. And it was true. The idea of diving for sunken treasure had always appealed to Sam. Gargantuan shadowy megalithic undersea fortresses of dark sunken secrets beckoned to him, reached out to him with fishy arms and tentacles to suck him back down, down into the dungeons of his memory, the sunken pleasure cruises of his past from which no survivors surfaced. Trapped at the bottom of the sea with seaweed curled around their ears, the starfish breasts, the barnacled buttocks encrusted, the scorned and eternally scornful mermaids a perfect image, you may love her, but not physically, she has no earthly twat and your children, half fish? Which half? And back to surface from shipwreck, the survivors, with the knowledge that all survivors have, that we are accompanied by ghosts and we will never be alone. The ghosts will make sure of that, rest assured.

(Oh, and in fic-writing news, I got laid off yesterday, so after next Friday, I might have a lot more time on my hands!)
pica_scribit: Pica Pica (Badfic - Triplets)
This may be the funniest thing I have ever read in my entire life. I laughed so hard I cried and could not breathe. I made noises I did not even know I could make. [livejournal.com profile] babb_chronicles (for those of you who do not know) is an LJ which regularly posts humorously bad Harry Potter fanfiction quotes. The LJ Markov Generator takes random phrases from an LJ and connects them where words overlap to form new sentences which may make more or less sense than the original statements. Combining the two is comedy gold. I don't think I have ever laughed so long or so hard in my life. So go use the bathroom, put down your drink and click that link!
pica_scribit: Pica Pica (Comm - hp_adult - So Wrong)
I really am a glutton for punishment, amn't I? I just wanted to see how bad this could get. So here's my running commentary

Tin Man spoilers )
pica_scribit: Pica Pica (Comm - hp_adult - So Wrong)
Well, if that wasn't the most uninspiring pile of MarySueish drivel I've ever seen in my life (outside ff.net), I don't know what is. This Sci-Fi channel version of the Wizard of Oz is inspired by the 1939 film, which, in turn, was inspired by the original book by L. Frank Baum. Any resemblence to Baum's original work has been methodically purged. Toto's not even in this damn thing.

Dorothy -- excuse me -- "D.G." is not just an ordinary Kansas girl. Oh, no! See, she's actually the princess of Oz, but her mother the queen sent her into our world to protect her from D.G.'s evil sister, who grows up to become the wicked witch. When D.G. returns to the O.Z., her memories and Sooper Speshul Powrz begin to emerge. And she has to fight the flying monkeys which are actually her sister's boob tattoos which come to life and do her bidding. I think I remember that bit from the book....

I may have to watch parts 2 and 3 tomorrow and the next night, just to see how bad it can get. But I don't think anything's going to beat D.G.'s coming to terms in about two seconds with the fact that the people who raised her were not in fact her real parents, but *robots*.
pica_scribit: Pica Pica (Gryffindor - AD/GG)

Sadly, Saturday's comic does not continue the Dumbledore theme, but wanders off in the direction of not being able to tell fantasy from reality.

In other news, I want to apologise for the recent lack of fic and to let you know it might be a while before I get around to writing anything. I just got a promotion (more work, not more money), on top of which I am planning a wedding. I have to fly home three times in the next two months, which will be eating up all my available weekend days, and my betrothed is coming over to visit me in December. It may be January before I get anything written again. Sorry. No one wishes I had free time more than I.
pica_scribit: Pica Pica (Gryffindor - AD/GG)

I feel your pain, Jeffrey....
pica_scribit: Pica Pica (Comm - hp_adult - So Wrong)
For those of you who love Harry Potter and hate WalMart and have not yet seen these, you must go watch them RIGHT NOW. They are hilarious.

Harry vs WaldeMart, part 1
Harry vs WaldeMart, part 2
pica_scribit: Pica Pica (Hufflepuff - NT - MarySue)
Because I used to be one. To be fair, I did not rape anyone's fandom to do it, but I did create some of the most awful, Sue-ish "original" fiction you can imagine. At least I could spell and had decent grammar. If you want to spork the Suefic I wrote when I was 15, it's here. Some of it is mighty hilarious.

Some years ago there was a king who ruled in the north. His name was SANLAEDER*. He was a good and peaceful ruler and his people loved him and were very sad when his queen, LYTSTAER, died. LYTSTAER was the most beautiful woman who ever lived, some said, and it was a pity that she died so young. The king never got over her.

A woman was hired to raise their son. But no one ever saw the woman, and the baby was kept hidden. So when they disappeared, it was a day or so before anyone noticed. There was a search of course, but no trace was found for a year.

One day a messenger came from the south with the news that the southern people were experiencing a severe shortage of food and water. Would the northerners please help? The king said he would take care of everything; but with all his troubles, he soon forgot the cry for help.

Meanwhile GULDONFYRE, the southern king, was in conference with a woman who said she could help the hungry south for a price. When the messenger returned with no answer from SANLAEDER, the woman told GULDONFYRE that now she could help them. Obviously, the northern king disliked the southern king for a reason, and was purposely refusing them food. Perhaps the reason was that the southern king's beautiful wife was about to bear a child, and if the northern prince was not found, the southern queen's child would, in effect, rule the world one day.

"But now," the mysterious woman said, "I have something that will help you to get SANLAEDER'S cooperation." And she threw back her cloak, revealing a child in her arms. "Here is the lost prince. If he wants the child back, he'll either give you food or answer to me, and believe me, I think the food would be the more pleasant alternative for him. All I want is control of your army."

* Don't ask why all the characters' names are in CAPS. I don't know.

Crack art

Oct. 21st, 2007 02:36 am
pica_scribit: Pica Pica (Gryffindor - AD/GG)
This wonderful little piece of crack art was done a while back by my dear friend [livejournal.com profile] jin_fenghuang. It is made of giggles. Mostly because you know it's true.

August 2017



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