pica_scribit: (Gryffindor - RL/SB - Tender)
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(Formerly a Very Secret Post on my Very Secret Filter)

Title: Take This Longing
Author: [livejournal.com profile] pica_scribit
Word Count: 9204
Genre: Drama, Angst, Smut
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Explicit sex, strong language, dirty talk, jealousy, suspected infidelity, violent images, no happy ending because canon is a cruel mistress.
Timeline: April 1981
Characters: Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, James Potter, Peter Pettigrew, Harry Potter, Unnamed Flirtatious Muggle (OC), Albus Dumbledore, Alexandre d'Argenson (OC), Amabilis (OC)
Pairing(s): Remus/Sirius, hints of Remus/OMC and Sirius/OMC
Synopsis: If Remus doesn't need him anymore, then what's the point of anything?
Disclaimer: Harry Potter characters and the Wizarding world are the sole property of J. K. Rowling. I own nothing except my own ideas, and make no profit. No copyright infringement is intended. Please don't sue me. Take This Longing lyrics are the property of Leonard Cohen.
Author's Note: Written for the [livejournal.com profile] rs_games 2010. This was a bit of a change for me. I don't usually do first person narrative, but Sirius wanted to tell you this story in his own words. For someone who hates confrontation almost as much as Remus does, I find it surprisingly easy to write snarky, angry dialogue. Lord, how I've missed writing porn!


Excerpt:
It seems like everything is moving away from me these days. Father and Regulus are dead. We hardly ever see Andromeda and her family anymore. Peter's too busy looking after his sick mother to keep in touch. There's still James, obviously, but he's got Lily and Harry to think of now. Even the Aurors decided they didn't want me, because apparently loving you and working in law enforcement was a "conflict of interests".

I could live with all that. Sure, I'd growl and rage and shake my fist at the sky, but so long as I still had you, I could grit my teeth and get through anything the world threw at us. But if I'm losing you, too, then what have I got left, Moony? What's the point of me? Of everything I've ever done? What is there left to fight for?


Title: Menage a Trois
Author: [livejournal.com profile] pica_scribit
Word Count: 6262
Genre: Smutty, smutty smut. Also? Smut. Not quite PWP, but almost, with a helping of hurt/comfort tacked on at the end.
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Aside from it being a M/M/M threesome involving an OC? Nothing too kinky. Some French pillowtalk.
Timeline: 10 March 1981
Characters: Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Alexandre d'Argenson (OC)
Pairing(s): Remus/Sirius, Remus/Sirius/OMC
Synopsis: Remus wants something a bit different for his 21st birthday, and of course Sirius can refuse him nothing. This is what might have happened if Alexandre had had a couple more days to get to know Remus and Sirius before he and Remus went on their disasterous French mission.
Disclaimer: Harry Potter characters and the Wizarding world are the sole property of J. K. Rowling. I own nothing except my own ideas, and make no profit. No copyright infringement is intended. Please don't sue me.
Author's Note: This was written largely for my own perverted amusement, and does not fit with my personal canon of Remus/Sirius's continuity, but after what I did to poor Alexandre in my [livejournal.com profile] rs_games fic, I couldn't very well refuse him when he asked for this.


Excerpt:
"Are you jealous, Padfoot?" The bastard sounded amused.

"No," Sirius said too quickly. "Why? Should I be?"

A little huffing laugh tickled his ear. "He's not planning to steal me from you, if that's what you're worried about. If you hadn't been so busy noticing him noticing me, you might've noticed him noticing you, too. Not that I could blame him."

That gave Sirius pause. "He was?"

"Mm-hmm. He wants both of us. Together."

Take This Longing

Date: 2010-08-01 03:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pica-scribit.livejournal.com
Comment here for Take This Longing.

Re: Take This Longing

Date: 2010-08-04 02:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/_jenc_/
Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. *sobbing geniunely*

Why did this have to be the first thing I read when I have finally came back? (so sorry for that but family stuff has gotten worse of late hence my shittiness in being a devoted fangirl).

This hurt like I have never fucking read before. This actually killed me. I don't know how the hell I can explain it properly. Is this truely what you imagine to have happened? Could Remus ever honestly be such an arsehole? Why is Sirius always made to feel like the bad guy when quite clearly he is the good guy?!

Remus cared solely for himself. He didn't get one shit that he was destroying the person he swore he loves. It was beyond cruel. Yes, okay that Alex lad did not deserve his treatment but it seemed to me that it wasn't for Sirius that Remus stopped himself from shagging him but merely because he wasn't convinced by Divination! I am so damn angry at him that I want to physically throw shit. How dare he make Sirius feel bad when he was the one who betrayed him?! How dare he leave him? Who the hell does he think he is! *heart breaks*

I am almost angry enough to say that if it weren't for the fact Sirius was the one to suffer in Azkaban, then I would be happy Remus felt pain, loneliness and longing. The wanker.

Right, I have to stop here and go read one of your more happy fics cause this makes me so sad.

(on a slightly more endearing note though, I loved Sirius in first narrative! It was brilliant and you captured his thoughts perfectly. I'm sorry I have been so shit lately, bare with me whilst this crap goes on. I will be back on top form soon enough!)

xx

Re: Take This Longing

Date: 2010-08-04 06:05 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pica-scribit.livejournal.com
I know it's harsh, but that's the direction the challenge took me, and what could I do but follow? I don't know, when I come to write my First War epic, if things will go exactly like this, but they still might. This is late in the First War, and the pups are already experiencing a lot of suspicion and mistrust, and spending a lot of time living in their own heads and jumping to conclusions, as Sirius did here the moment he heard Remus say Alexandre's name in his sleep. The war is breaking them down, and they're having a hard time keeping perspective and taking one another's needs into account any longer. I can see how Remus could be perceived as the "bad guy" here, since we don't really get to know what his own thoughts are, but I see him as worried that Sirius is losing his mind (desperation is making him behave erratically), and wondering what the implications of that are for both of them and for their friends. He's also just come out of a very traumatic experience and come home to someone who is being less than sympathetic to his needs not to talk about it or be physically demonstrative just yet. Hopefully that makes some kind of sense. What it comes down to is that the First War was hell and canon is a bitch. We know that it broke them down and broke them apart, and so I have to as well.

I'm glad you're still alive! I was worried about you. I thought about messaging you last night to check and see if you were okay.

Re: Take This Longing

Date: 2010-11-17 02:03 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] spazlady2002.livejournal.com
Oh my god!! That broke my heart, it did!

*runs off to glue heart back together*

Re: Take This Longing

Date: 2010-11-17 03:43 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pica-scribit.livejournal.com
*hands you a Snoopy bandaid* Thank you for reading! "Heartbreaking" seems to be the concensus on this story.

Re: Take This Longing

Date: 2010-11-17 04:17 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] brighty18.livejournal.com
Hurray! Now I can tell you what I really think about this in a public forum! We’ve discussed it a little before, but I have to tell you again that this was really fabulous.

As much as I often dislike angst and infidelity, you write it well and I found myself loving this story not only because it us supremely well-written, but even for the story itself. And that’s rare. It’s also a great compliment to you.

You got into Sirius’ head and wrote him perfectly, allowing the reader to truly feel as he felt. And, painful as that was, it was also beautiful. Event he sex scene was painful, but hot.

This passage really got to me: The bigger picture. When have I ever given a fuck about the bigger picture? Maybe I'm a selfish tosser, but all I want is for this war to be over with so that everything can be safe and good for us and our friends again. I see my mistake now, though. It was in thinking that I was your world as you are mine. But your world is bigger than that, isn't it, Moony? That's part of what I love about you, even when I hate it. Even when it means you're walking away from me. devoted if that makes any sense. Anyway, you are a master at writing him – not to mention the fact that your Sirius always matches the Sirius in my head. Still, I just wanted to hug him and make it all better, so thank you for writing the companion piece (and letting me see it ahead of time.)

All in all, this was superb and I am not at ALL surprised that yours was in the top five most highly scored stories!

Re: Take This Longing

Date: 2010-11-17 08:21 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pica-scribit.livejournal.com
Thank you. Full disclosure: Infidelity is something I've struggled with in my life. I've been in Sirius's position and Remus's and Alexandre's. But honesty compells me to say that most often it's been Remus's. Because of that, it was especially hard writing Sirius's suffering, because it made me feel even worse about some of the things I've done to people I cared about in the past. Maybe that makes me a terrible person, but I am human and not perfect. If a situation ever arises in the future where I feel temptation, I can always come back and read this story to remind myself of how not-fun it usually ends up being.

Re: Take This Longing

Date: 2010-11-17 11:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] brighty18.livejournal.com
Honestly, I think we've all been there. Full disclosure: I cheated on my ex-husband with my current husband, but would never even DREAM of cheating on Andrew. Silly as it sounds, it was like one of those "meet your soulmate" kind of things whilst married to an alcoholic.

Still, in less epic terms, nearly everybody has has on one of their positions at least once. (Including me for all three, too.) And you made all of their plights very read and sympathetic.


Oddly, I found myself hating Peter (for I assume it was Peter who sent the memory) the most.

Re: Take This Longing

Date: 2010-11-17 11:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pica-scribit.livejournal.com
Oh, you got that, did you? I don't know if Peter himself sent it, but he is certainly involved in any plot to sow suspicion between R/S and draw it away from himself.

Re: Take This Longing

Date: 2010-11-21 10:12 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
OMG that was AMAZING! I've read way too many slash fics that are pointless and have poorly written plots and dialogue. You are an incredibly talented writer!

Re: Take This Longing

Date: 2010-11-23 12:47 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pica-scribit.livejournal.com
Thank you. I do try to do my best. This is probably my one and only talent.

Re: Take This Longing

Date: 2010-11-25 02:18 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
This is an amazing fic!!!!!! I have never really read a good slash story that is more concentrated on the emotions involved. I loved it!!!

Re: Take This Longing

Date: 2010-11-25 08:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pica-scribit.livejournal.com
Thank you! I can't see writing them any other way. It's the connection between the characters that make the pairing so compelling.

Re: Take This Longing

Date: 2011-02-11 07:44 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lovely-seraph.livejournal.com
Beautifully written, but very very sad.

I'm going to need to follow this up with some serious fluff. O_O

(this is a compliment in case you are confused)

Re: Take This Longing

Date: 2011-02-13 02:31 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pica-scribit.livejournal.com
Thank you! And I completely understand. I have a very hard time reading angst, but for some reason I absolutely love writing it.

Re: Take This Longing

Date: 2011-12-18 12:27 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] annaskyfox.livejournal.com
god, your writing just repeatedly and utterly breaks my heart every fucking time. And I mean that in the best way possible. :) (with little tears)

Re: Take This Longing

Date: 2011-12-18 01:40 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pica-scribit.livejournal.com
Thanks! Weirdly, I tend to avoid reading a lot of angst and tragedy, but I love writing the stuff!

Menage a Trois

Date: 2010-08-01 03:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pica-scribit.livejournal.com
Comment here for Menage a Trois.

Re: Menage a Trois

Date: 2010-08-04 12:04 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cybeleadam.livejournal.com
If you're reading this, feel special
I already felt special at that point so when I read you had dedicated the second fic to me... ♥ Merci. I'm glad I could help.

I love Alexandre (and the name we found for him - très classe). It still makes me sad to think of him, knowing he's meant to die even when you change what happened before, but at least now I can picture him with Sirius and Remus, asleep in their arms, and that's very cute. ♥ As you can see, I decided to use an icon showing a part of the old sylve d'Argenson as a kind of tribute to him.

The story wasn't meant to be funny but a few little things were:
* Have I managed to shock the infamously unshockable Sirius Black speechless?
* You should speak French in bed more often, Moony. Very sexy. (It always amuses me that French sounds like that to other people...as it amused an Italian friend of mine when I translated for her a story in which the main character said something in Italian and his boyfriend loved it for the same reason.)

Why can't it end well? ;_; I hope you will have many happy years together... *sigh*

Re: Menage a Trois

Date: 2010-08-04 05:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pica-scribit.livejournal.com
I'm glad you enjoyed it. You've been so much help.

It always amuses me that French sounds like that to other people

It's a popular perception, and not one I can really argue with. As a member of a culture where most people (including myself) only speak one language, I find if very attractive when someone has taken the time to learn *any* other language!

Why can't it end well?

In this case, I like to think it did. For everyone but Alexandre, at least. Remus and Sirius remembered in time what they mean to each other, and realised that neither of them could be the spy. So either they figured out it was Peter pretty quickly, or Sirius insisted on James making him Secret Keeper, and they won the war and lived happily ever after. Although that probably means Voldemort went after Neville's family instead. Poor kid.

Re: Menage a Trois

Date: 2010-11-17 12:31 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Why always a bottom Sirius?:( why not a bottom Remus once in a while too?

Re: Menage a Trois

Date: 2010-11-17 12:33 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pica-scribit.livejournal.com
It's just the way I see the characters.

Re: Menage a Trois

Date: 2010-11-17 01:56 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] eprime.livejournal.com
So, yeah, this is what happened instead. That is my firm belief. ;)

This was very sexy, of course, but what I really loved was the intensity of emotion and love between Remus and Sirius. It was so lovely.

Re: Menage a Trois

Date: 2010-11-17 03:47 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pica-scribit.livejournal.com
*bows* Thank you! I wish I could think this was what really happened, but I know better. *sigh* I'm glad you enjoyed it. You are, in my estimation, the Queen of Threesome fics, so that means a lot to me. I don't know if I'll ever write one of these again. The tangled pronouns gave me a headache!

Re: Menage a Trois

Date: 2010-11-17 04:01 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] eprime.livejournal.com
Haha, to be fair, just writing two guys is an exercise in pronoun frustration. ;)

Your threesome was yum. I especially liked Sirius directing Alexandre and telling him what Remus likes, and Remus getting off on that so much. Mm...

(And I was all, ooohh, when we found out his age, just like Remus and Sirius.) :)

Re: Menage a Trois

Date: 2010-11-17 08:12 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pica-scribit.livejournal.com
*grin* Thanks! I loved creating Alexandre. One day, I will write his story properly.

Re: Menage a Trois

Date: 2010-11-17 03:20 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nathcoelho.livejournal.com
omfg
soooooooo hot fic! and sad as well! poor Alexandre! >-<
incredible described fic! =)
u really did a great work!

Re: Menage a Trois

Date: 2010-11-17 03:48 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pica-scribit.livejournal.com
Thank you! I became rather attached to poor Alexandre. He was a dear lad and deserved better than he got.

Re: Menage a Trois

Date: 2010-11-17 05:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nathcoelho.livejournal.com
yeah.. when i was reading, i get attached too...he really was a lovely character.. poor him!
anyway
its waiting for your other fic!!! about the school days of the boys! =D and still wanna see Sirius falls really over heels for Remus and vice versa! *____* and a kiss! hauhahauhauhauhh
sorry to bother you about this! but i really like your fics! ^^

Re: Menage a Trois

Date: 2010-11-17 08:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pica-scribit.livejournal.com
I will start back up on A Conspiracy of Cartographers as soon as I finish writing A Cure for Nightmares. I was having a very hard time writing both at once, and since Cure is shorter and easier, I thought I would get that out of the way first.

Re: Menage a Trois

Date: 2010-11-17 08:28 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nathcoelho.livejournal.com
well! i'm waiting! =D A conspiracy of cartographers is awesome!! ;DDDD
i love that fic
=)

well! looking forward! =D

Re: Menage a Trois

Date: 2010-11-17 04:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] brighty18.livejournal.com
I've told you before how much I loved this piece and I still do. And, yes, it totally made up for the angst whilst still keeping the tone and spirit of the first piece.

Re: Menage a Trois

Date: 2010-11-17 08:22 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pica-scribit.livejournal.com
Thanks! I think I needed to write this to shake off some of what the other one left me feeling. Poor Alexandre was doomed, unfortunately, and I couldn't save him either way. I wish I could have.

Re: Menage a Trois

Date: 2010-11-22 03:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lady-luthienne.livejournal.com
I love Take This Longing for its raw and powerful emotion, and this is just as beautiful. You work the connections and interactions between the three characters just right, so that they feel natural and real, rather than forced or contrived, as can happen with some threesome situations.

I was so hoping that Alexandre would survive, but what happened to him was senseless, and I suppose it didn't matter in the end whether or not he were truly a virgin. The ending just broke my heart all over again.
But at least Remus and Sirius are together in their grief, and can perhaps help one another through it, rather than have this tragedy cause another by driving them apart.

Re: Menage a Trois

Date: 2010-11-23 12:46 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pica-scribit.livejournal.com
I would have liked to save Alexandre, but sadly it was just not meant to be. Someday, though, I will properly tell the story of what happened on that mission and how it went wrong. I'm glad you liked this, and I'm glad I have managed to create a sympathetic OC.

Date: 2010-08-02 08:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] superl99.livejournal.com
I like the second one better, much happier, and smuttier!

Date: 2010-08-02 08:39 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pica-scribit.livejournal.com
Is it any wonder I couldn't resist, even though I should definitely be writing other things?

Date: 2010-08-03 12:36 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] superl99.livejournal.com
I certainly can't blame you! I usually did the same when I wrote fanfic- if writing something angsty, I needing some cheerful smut to balance it out!

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